Throw Another Scapegoat On The Fire

Should Mums stay at home?

Is a mother's place at home?

Torturing myself reading the BBC’s ‘Have your Say’ is my equivalent of picking at an open wound but it’s a self imposed reality check that reminds me that an awful lot of people have some very dubious different viewpoints. This one is an exception in a sea of frankly worrying retrograde drivel. The question, in my humble opinion, is a loaded one as it just cries out for a scapegoat. I’m no defender of bad parenting but as this comment points out, we’re in danger of focusing on one small aspect of a society that forces all kinds of less than satisfactory life decisions.

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5 thoughts on “Throw Another Scapegoat On The Fire

  1. Ah yes, you are into self-torture. I am not sure I have a strong enough stomach to read “Have your say”.

    The commenter is right – the vast majority of women do not have the luxury of being able to choose whether to work outside the home. Whilst many women (myself included) might choose to work part-time or from home whilst their children are growing up, this type of work tends to be low on pay and bad for career prospects. It can also be very isolating and demoralising if you are used to a challenging work environment and the social life that goes with it.

    “Good parenting” is a very hard thing to define. There is a lot of pressure these days on middle class parents at any rate, to engulf their children in little bubbles, organise their every minute and give them no freedom at all. To me this does not seem anymore like “good” parenting than those who let their children roam wild. I’m sure there used to be a happy medium somewhere and am not sure how we all seem to have wandered so far from it.

    I will go before I depress myself yet further – and that’s without even looking at “Have your Say”. I am rather glad you provide this “filtering” service so I do not have to go there!

  2. Hello RB- Yes, I think ‘good parenting’ and ‘bad parenting’ are both subjective viewpoints of what is ideal and what is less than ideal (and of course it varies on a family by family basis). I find it daft to debate an issue in isolation like this when the real culprit is a ‘system’ that forces people to make, for them, less than ideal decisions.OK, If you’re independently wealthy, have kids & choose to farm them out to boarding schools & nannies then that maybe a different matter (& each class has it’s own rules on what is and is not acceptable) . All consuming as parenting no doubt can be, and let’s remember that these days women can much more often be the main breadwinner in any heterosexual relationship, there is also the deep seated need for parents to establish themselves & gain self worth alongside being a parent. The world often leaves us having to make, perhaps, less than ideal choices so until we’re in a more ideal world I’m just not one to point the finger at a very easy scapegoat.

  3. I would have thought that the point of “equality” is to give women (and any other group perceived to be unequal) the same rights and freedoms as the privileged group.

    But what is freedom? Freedom is surely having a choice as to what one does, how one leads one’s life. You cannot logically give people freedom and then deny them to right to use it by barring them from certain choices.

    If women want to become SWAGs or devote themselves to fashion, then that is their legitimate choice. No one has a right to deny them that choice.

    Can we criticize them for what we perceive as bad choices? Of course we can. Our freedom allows us to criticize and our opinion is as good as anyone else’s as long as we recognize that it is just that – an opinion. But that criticism should be directed at the individual’s choice, showing why, in our opinion, it is a bad choice. To cite what we regard as bad choices as some sort of misuse of freedom is a logical error.

    If we are truly free then we have to right to jump off Beachy Head, if we so wish, no matter what anyone else might think of that.

  4. Hi Stephen-I did enjoy your link.Definitely my cup of tea.
    Hi ST- From a feminists viewpoint (old fashioned & outdated though that is) I’m more than happy to decry the current society status quo of high levels of mysogyny (including from women themselves) & how many women set their sites so low because society rewards their compliance.I’m not a great fan of trying to apply logic in an illogical world but I take your point.There are no bad decisions, just bad options.

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