Voting For The Least Worst Muppet Is Democracy?

 

I’m still torn about these upcoming local police and crime commissioner (PCC) elections in the UK. On the one hand they’re cynical politicised toss. On the other they’re a mammoth waste of money.

The options are, for me anyway; first up is don’t vote. None of the muppets standing are worthy of my vote and the whole thing is politicising the police. By voting I’m rubber stamping that premise like a lemming on a coach tour to Beachy Head. No thanks sunshine.

The downside of that kind of stroppy sulking in the shadows at the school disco type behaviour is that fringe parties with possibly extremist aims get a shoe-in to the political process on the backs of voter apathy. Must I really be forced yet again to vote for yet another muppet that doesn’t represent me in order to tactically thwart a candidate that holds an extremist viewpoint that  also doesn’t represent me? Really? I’ve often had to vote tactically all my voting life and it never made a blind bit of difference. I bloody despair at extremist political parties but aren’t I engaging in tactical democracy throttling by trying to artificially bolster anybody else but the extremist candidate? Th-th-that’s ‘democracy’ such as it is currently defined sadly. Life isn’t fair and democracy is skewed and often decidedly undemocratic and unrepresentative for many. Shut up. Put an X on a bit of paper and treat it like a nice game of pin the tail on the donkey and live with the inevitable consequence of voting for the least worst Muppet on offer.

So who knows maybe I do have to head butt my idealism into the rain sodden gutter alongside the chugger who overplayed his hand and used up four whole steps to get to me and decide a vote is better than no vote (but only just), but campaign in whatever small way to make the system more representative in future (oh joy, more speak-your-weight identi-kit replies on expensive headed parliamentary paper from my local MP as I chip away in my own modest way at a large immovable object with a blunted tooth pick).

Of course I could really have a dummy spit and spoil my ballot paper in protest by writing my objection to these elections on the ballot paper. Somebody said the ballot papers would have to be read out to the candidates if voter turnout was critically low in order to establish the likely political hue of the ballot spoiler (which just sounds akin to the old darts game show  Bullseye’s “Let’s see what you would have won” scenario). I can’t really believe that and my non vote will just get added to the expected record low voter turnout figures in an attempt to justify the whole sorry farce.

Lastly I could vote for the independent candidate of whom I know bugger all save a few online sound-bites-as-personal-bio contained within the candidate’s self penned biography. Frankly all the candidates just basically say “I’m a bit good me and I should know because I am me”. What does that tell me?

Sorry that ain’t democracy in my e-book. It’s just a game of vote for the least worst muppet but have sod all influence over quite what a balls up they make of it all until the next PCC elections where you can choose another Muppet. And repeat.

I don’t like it but the whole sorry episode makes me feel like I’m being forced to play with my own faeces in order to legitimise my continuing access to the toilet.

I didn’t say I was good at analogies now did I?

Link: choose my PCC

Image/haiku by howard.hall under this creative commons licence.

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